To everyone who has ever felt like they have no idea what to do next, I feel you.
To everyone who has ever questioned their own ability to thrive, I feel you.
I’ve always thought everyone else had it more together than me. Absolutely everyone — even that kid on the playground picking his nose and eating the boogers he digs out. He does it with more conviction than I feel like I could ever muster in life.
So I guess after a month after quitting my stable, miserable job, here is my first funemployment diary entry. It’s not as fun as other topics I could be writing about, like rosy memories of my trip to Amsterdam and Paris, but this, right now, is on my mind.
And this, right now, I’m questioning myself relentlessly. This is imposter syndrome, the feeling like underneath my shiny hardworking exterior is a rotten core devoid of any actual skills or merit.
If you’ve ever felt like you don’t deserve the jobs you’re overqualified for, that you’re terrified one tiny mistake and you’ll be revealed as a fraud… Let me tell you two things: 1) It’s not rational, and 2) I feel the exact same way.
People like us, self saboteurs who stagnantly dawdle on hitting the ground running to chase dreams, are a plenty. We learned to blend in and stay awake until the morning thinking and rethinking about too much.
I took a big step in June, leaving a job that was stopping me from doing what I actually want to do. And now I’m the one stopping me. I don’t know how to convince myself that the fearful I’m-not-good-enough-to-pursue-my-goal voice is not to be listened to.
The only thing that helps is that I know there are a lot of others like me. We’re better than we think we are. We can find our paths, but we also have to give ourselves a break.
I don’t know how long it’ll take for me to shed this way of thinking, but now that I’ve already taken one step, I’m primed to take another, sooner or later.
We can do it.